0. What is your MBTI personality type?
1. Why am I asking all these questions?
2. Why are you choosing to answer them?
3. What is the fundamental cause of many of the world's problems?
4. What do you fear most?
5. What do you love most?
6. Would you rather lose an arm or a leg? Why?
7. What are you most proud of?
8. What are you most ashamed of?
9. Why have your previous relationships failed?
10. Were your breakups amicable?
11. What is more important than love?
12. What is your most prized possession?
13. What would you never, ever do?
14. What is beautiful to you?
15. What would you most like to accomplish?
16. How many friends do you have?
17. What did you learn today?
18. What would you most like to learn?
19. What is your greatest strength?
20. What is your greatest weakness?
21. What would your three wishes be?
22. What would you like as your epitaph?
23. What is the greatest challenge facing mankind?
24. What do you enjoy most about being in a relationship?
25. What 10 books/subject areas should be required reading/learning for everyone?
26. Would you like to know when you'd die? Why/not?
27. What historical figure would you like to meet? Why?
28. What would you change about yourself?
29. What would you change about others?
30. What languages do you speak?
31. What are your areas of expertise? (i.e. things you can make a living doing)
32. You're stranded on an island and can only have one item with you besides the clothes on your back; what would it be?
33. What is the most interesting fact you know?
34. Give me an idea of your sense of humor.
Finally, what questions would you add to this list?
Thanks for your time.
35. How well's this workin for ya?
ReplyDelete1. You do what you do. You do it because you can.
ReplyDelete2. I like questions.
3. There are problems?
4. 5.
5. 4.
6. Whose?
7. Yes.
8. No.
9. They haven't.
10. Some.
11. Literature.
12. Phone -- but because it houses a library of over 500 books, which is pound for pound the best way for me to carry any decently sized segment of it.
13. Yes.
14. YES.
15. Yes...
16. Oh, yes.
17. Today I learned that answering lots of questions is not always as much fun as it would at first appear.
18. More.
19. Pattern analysis.
20. The next page.
21. Very strange and not terribly Englishable.
22. 21.
23. No.
24. 7.
25. 0.
26. No, because I don't plan to die.
27. The next person to answer the questions.
28. Yes.
29. Yes, indeedy.
30. English, body, MOO, BASIC, absurdity, Spanish, others.
31. The government pays me to be crazy.
32. Which island?
33. The rules change when they change and everything's true unless it isn't.
34. 1. and 33. are courtesy of Pat Cadigan.
35. Slightly better. :P
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete0. Anonymous Shit-stirring Asshole.
ReplyDelete1. I don't know. Are you going to answer them yourself?
2. I'm just making a point.
3. Who am I, Gandhi?!
4. Leeks.
5. Fuzzy baby ducks.
6. If we're talking chickens, take the limbs, please!
7. Lesbianism.
8. That I took the time to respond to these questions.
9. I wasn't dating Jesus.
10. Does sending severed horse heads count as amiable?
11. Cheese.
12. Cheese.
13. Take this questionnaire seriously.
14. Scarlett Johannson's titties.
15. Touching my ear with my elbow.
16. Do dead flies count?
17. That breathing in nacho cheese Doritos is a painful hobby.
18. The difference between bok choi and cabbage.
19. My ability to digest whole grains.
20. Lactose.
21. A segway, a room filled with hundreds and thousands and a never-ending supply of margarine and gluten-free bread.
22. No point. Regenerating.
23. The terrible eternity of bees.
24. Someone to keep my seat warm when I go to the toilet.
25. Ten copies of "Zen and the art of going to the lavatory".
26. No point - not dying.
27. The Tooth Fairy.
28. My impulse to do stupid questionnaires.
29. The temerity of requesting a questionnaire and not answering the questions themselves.
30. Klingon, Rivendell Elvish and the line of Spanish at the very end of The Terminator.
31. Talking complete rubbish.
32. A food processor.
33. Cats like the taste of their own buttholes.
34. I've already given you that education, sir.
0 oranges
ReplyDelete1 daquiri
2 your mom
3 Wolverine
4 to be invisible
5 e=mc squared
6 toenails or asparagus
7 oh to be in England now that Spring is here
8 Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Quisque a accumsan diam. Ut eleifend volutpat mauris, ut cursus elit fringilla quis. Nulla et neque lacinia arcu pretium sagittis eu eget eros. Mauris vehicula ligula vel mauris egestas sit amet placerat erat feugiat. Pellentesque ut massa leo. In in ante at quam tincidunt dapibus. Nullam sollicitudin lacus at arcu luctus bibendum. Vestibulum a enim at enim scelerisque iaculis eu rutrum risus. Nam a blandit lorem. Nulla lacinia vestibulum vulputate. Pellentesque fringilla dictum magna non eleifend. Suspendisse lobortis porta metus id pretium. Mauris rhoncus pretium neque sit amet tincidunt. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Quisque placerat, libero nec imperdiet ultricies, dui purus bibendum odio, at semper erat justo convallis libero. Duis diam odio, gravida eu gravida ut, aliquam at ipsum.
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Cras volutpat erat nec eros porttitor porttitor. Praesent lorem purus, dapibus ac euismod sed, porttitor id purus. Mauris sodales, mauris id volutpat mollis, nibh sem tincidunt tellus, sit amet accumsan nulla dui eget nunc. Cras porttitor commodo metus a dignissim. Maecenas eu mauris vitae tortor tempus auctor. Fusce sodales ante in nibh rutrum vitae interdum dui egestas. Nulla facilisi. In molestie, nisi non convallis placerat, ipsum erat volutpat arcu, eu facilisis lorem diam in est. Phasellus egestas leo sit amet magna pellentesque ut ornare ante rhoncus. Nunc nec mauris volutpat quam suscipit malesuada in vitae urna. Integer leo elit, porta vel fermentum quis, interdum ac elit. Donec quam est, convallis consectetur consectetur nec, euismod nec risus. Suspendisse non risus eget enim commodo faucibus. Ut pharetra tristique sapien, sollicitudin convallis leo adipiscing non.
Nunc eleifend, sapien non rutrum commodo, nisl lacus pretium mauris, sit amet tristique sem lectus ac est. Fusce tempor, purus vel volutpat facilisis, est dui congue elit, eu ultrices justo leo a augue. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Nunc scelerisque pulvinar accumsan. Vivamus venenatis porttitor mi, in lacinia metus consectetur vestibulum. Donec laoreet lorem et felis venenatis at eleifend nisl tempor. Praesent viverra sagittis nisi, sed egestas ipsum consectetur in. Praesent lobortis erat ac tortor aliquet interdum. Nullam suscipit urna a nibh malesuada placerat. Suspendisse condimentum tristique suscipit. Aenean fringilla sollicitudin arcu et condimentum.
Aliquam id placerat arcu. Aenean a neque id quam rutrum consequat varius a nisi. Aenean luctus, libero eu placerat vulputate, augue lorem volutpat felis, eu vehicula dolor turpis placerat justo. Integer et elit neque. Vivamus sed fermentum libero. Praesent laoreet blandit nisi. Integer rhoncus ornare risus at faucibus. Praesent fringilla egestas enim sit amet molestie. Phasellus in lectus metus, ac hendrerit sapien. Praesent convallis molestie orci quis rhoncus. Proin mauris turpis, gravida pellentesque vehicula in, luctus sed risus. Donec et lectus leo, eu placerat libero. Ut vitae nisi lacus, at venenatis sem. Vivamus nunc sapien, sodales eget vestibulum ac, tincidunt eget eros. In euismod porta luctus. Vivamus quam purus, pretium ultrices porta ut, porttitor ultrices arcu. Mauris sagittis feugiat urna, eget molestie lorem viverra et. Nunc adipiscing ipsum et metus ullamcorper convallis.
9 get a life
10 shut the fuck up and get a life
11 black
12 an Easter bonnet
13 The Tay Bridge Disaster
Beautiful Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay!
Alas! I am very sorry to say
That ninety lives have been taken away
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.
'Twas about seven o'clock at night,
And the wind it blew with all its might,
And the rain came pouring down,
And the dark clouds seem'd to frown,
And the Demon of the air seem'd to say-
"I'll blow down the Bridge of Tay."
When the train left Edinburgh
The passengers' hearts were light and felt no sorrow,
But Boreas blew a terrific gale,
Which made their hearts for to quail,
And many of the passengers with fear did say-
"I hope God will send us safe across the Bridge of Tay."
But when the train came near to Wormit Bay,
Boreas he did loud and angry bray,
And shook the central girders of the Bridge of Tay
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.
So the train sped on with all its might,
And Bonnie Dundee soon hove in sight,
And the passengers' hearts felt light,
Thinking they would enjoy themselves on the New Year,
With their friends at home they lov'd most dear,
And wish them all a happy New Year.
So the train mov'd slowly along the Bridge of Tay,
Until it was about midway,
Then the central girders with a crash gave way,
And down went the train and passengers into the Tay!
The Storm Fiend did loudly bray,
Because ninety lives had been taken away,
On the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.
As soon as the catastrophe came to be known
The alarm from mouth to mouth was blown,
And the cry rang out all o'er the town,
Good Heavens! the Tay Bridge is blown down,
And a passenger train from Edinburgh,
Which fill'd all the peoples hearts with sorrow,
And made them for to turn pale,
Because none of the passengers were sav'd to tell the tale
How the disaster happen'd on the last Sabbath day of 1879,
Which will be remember'd for a very long time.
It must have been an awful sight,
To witness in the dusky moonlight,
While the Storm Fiend did laugh, and angry did bray,
Along the Railway Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
Oh! ill-fated Bridge of the Silv'ry Tay,
I must now conclude my lay
By telling the world fearlessly without the least dismay,
That your central girders would not have given way,
At least many sensible men do say,
Had they been supported on each side with buttresses,
At least many sensible men confesses,
For the stronger we our houses do build,
The less chance we have of being killed
14 the 1912 New York mining disaster
15 cheesey peas
16 flea powder
17 onomatapoeia or prestidigitation
18 Kinomo's House,it's brilliant
19 March 3rd
20 Eli Lilly (July 8, 1838 – June 6, 1898) was a soldier, pharmaceutical chemist, industrialist, and founder of the eponymous Eli Lilly and Company pharmaceutical corporation. Lilly enlisted in the Union Army during the American Civil War; he recruited a company of men to serve with him in an artillery battery, was later promoted to colonel, and was given command of a cavalry unit. He was captured near the end of the war and held as a prisoner-of-war until its conclusion. After the war, he attempted to run a plantation in Mississippi, but failed and returned to his pharmacy profession after the death of his wife. Lilly remarried and worked in several pharmacies with partners before opening his own business in 1876 with plans to manufacture drugs and market them wholesale to pharmacies.
His company was successful and he soon became wealthy after making numerous advances in medicinal drug manufacturing. Two of the early advances he pioneered were creating gelatin capsules to hold medicine and fruit flavoring for liquid medicines. Eli Lilly & Company was the first pharmaceutical firm of its kind; it staffed a dedicated research department and put in place numerous quality-assurance measures. Using his wealth, Lilly engaged in numerous philanthropic pursuits. He turned over his company's management to his son in 1890 so that he himself could continue his engagement in charity and civic advancement as his primary focus. He helped found the organization that became the Indianapolis Chamber of Commerce, was the primary patron of Indiana's branch of the Charity Organization Society, and personally funded the creation of the city's children's hospital. He continued his active involvement with many organizations until his death from cancer in 1898.
Lilly was an advocate of federal regulation of the pharmaceutical industry, and many of his suggested reforms were enacted into law in 1906, resulting in the creation of the Food and Drug Administration. He was also among the pioneers of the concept of prescriptions, and helped form what became the common practice of only giving addictive or dangerous medicines to people who had first seen a physician. The company he founded has since grown into one of the largest and most influential pharmaceutical corporations in the world, and the largest corporation in Indiana. Using the wealth generated by the company, his son and grandsons created the Lilly Endowment to continue Lilly's legacy of philanthropy. The endowment remains one of the largest charitable benefactors in the world.
21 poker,it sucks
22 i can has cheesburgr
23 Most sane people think of "The Rapture" as a song by the late 1970s "New Wave" singer Blondie, celebrating the rap music and breakdancing culture beginning to emerge in the Bronx, from a very wigger perspective. For others, it reminds them of the city Rapture from Bioshock. But for many millions of people, however, mostly in the USA, the term describes the world's most important event since Jesus was crucified. The Rapture for them is the time that Jesus will return to Earth to take "His people" to Heaven, leaving everyone else "left behind" on Earth. These doomed losers will then have to face the emerging Antichrist! and eventually be sent to Hell where they will endlessly drown in lakes of fire, with red demons poking pitchforks in their butts.
Many ages ago, Geniuses at iD software discovered that you could fight the minions of hell with a pump-action shotgun, and defeat Satan. They put this into a videogame, as a cryptic message. Sadly, everyone who played Doom long enough to get this, is fat and weak, and therefore unable to lift a shotgun. !oremoR nhoJ ,em llik tsum uoy ,emag eht taeb oT
At the moment of the Rapture, millions of people suddenly vanish, all around the globe in one shocking moment. They will actually leave their clothes and shoes etc. right where they had been standing, moments before. Everyone else will be quite puzzled as their friends disappear before their eyes. Cars and airliners will careen out of control as Raptured drivers and pilots suddenly abandon ship. Even the donated organs of Christians, whether live or dead will be raptured right out of the sinner's body. Everyone dies.
Then, a great deal of tl;dr takes place, mostly scary and bad things, until the Antichrist takes over and everyone goes to Hell. All you need to know is that the Rapture happened last Thursday, God found noone worthy of taking to heaven, and he won't be sending anyone to Hell because he's lazy and thinks earth to be close enough.
24 NFL
25 The "Ex-Gay" movement is the attempt by hardcore born-agains to pretend that they are no longer homosexuals. It is distinct from "Not Gay", in that the ex-gays actually acknowledge that they have been homosexuals. After years or even decades of promiscuous cum-guzzling, bukkake, fisting, felching, rimming, orgies, cock-worship, and numerous other bizarre sexual escapades, they read lots of Christian-focused books by other ex-gays, and attend endless support groups, in a futile effort to be normal "straight" men who can then get married to normal women. Some of the support groups are in real life, but many are online, which is simultaneously less sexy and more sexy. Many of them even attend a sort of "gay rehab", special re-education centers where they stay for several weeks or months of intensive de-gayification
26 Boddington's beer
27 Electricity, or what we call "electric current" is that magical tingly friend that makes your lights shine bright, your internets flow and your retards sizzle in Texas
28 beer,?I already told you
29 Tall ships and tall kings
Three times three
What brought they from the foundered land
Over the flowing sea?
Seven stars and seven stones
And one white tree.
30 Manchester United but they suck
31 good luck with your quest but failure is imminent
32 you need to roll a 20 dude
33
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LOLspeak 101
Lolspeak 101
a course by Professor Elfinugget
Step one: Think of something to say. This is tricky for some people. ;) We’ll try a simple, common comment to start:
“That’s a really cute cat. And look, he has a bow on his head!”
Step two: “Engrish” it. 1) Mis-decline verbs, especially misuse the verb “to be”
2) Misuse gerunds
3) Overuse prepositional phrases
4) Blatant rearrangement of syntax
5) Incorrect plurals and past-tense verbs
6) “noun” your adjectives. (For instance, the adjective “blue” can become the noun “blueness”)
7) Improper pronouns
8 ) Drop the articles (”a”, “and”, “the”) in favor of adding “-age” to the end of a noun
9) Use “younger” words (”kitty” versus “cat”, “fuzzy” versus “furry”, etc.)
10) Use the word “with” inappropriately.
11) If you really can’t wrap your head around the concepts behind “Engrish”, try this: Go to babelfish.altavista.com, type your desired comment in, hit “english-to-Japanese”, then re-translate back to English. You have to be able to view special characters (the kanji). If you can’t get that to work, try translating to a different, european-text language, like German.
So, we get: “That being the kitty very full of cuteness. And to be with looking! Him gots bowage on hims head!”
Step three: Misspell everything. There’s no wrong way to do this, just try not to accidentally correctly spell a completely different word (especially one that’s pronounced differently than your spelling intends). Some words (usually short words) should simply remain spelled correctly for continuity’s sake. 1) Think like a little kid / cat / dog / goldfish, and get hukd on foniks
2) I cannot stress this enough: Vowels are your friends! Do not neglect vowels!! We’re speaking LolKitteh here, not text messaging! (My advice: use alternate vowels, Y’s are particularly handy, but don’t overuse them.)
3) Extra W’s and H’s (”awl” instead of “all”)
4) Z’s instead of S’s are easy
5) Double-letters versus single letters are always fun
6) Don’t be afraid to further pluralize things, including your verbs
7) Remember that the word “THE” must always be spelled “TEH”
now, we have: “Dat beesing teh kiti vary ful ov kutenis. An to bees lukingz! Hims gotz bowwagez on hims hed!!”
Step four: Add exclamations and extra words. 1) Use commonly accepted internet abbreviations. Misspell them if necessary. (LOL = lawlz! ROTFL = rofflz! OMG = omgwtfbbq!?! … etc … )
2) Imagine that you’re actually in a crowd of people and you want everyone to look at this particular picture. Extra exclamations are thus necessary.
3) Think Valley Girl. The words “like,” “totally,” etc can be added. Remember to misspell!
4) Some common statements have been severely abbreviated into one single multi-syllabic word. These are good to use. The best example is “Okay, thank you, good-bye!” Which has been shortened to “kthxbye” (or “kthxbai”)
And, we have: “OMG wau!! Dat beesing a kiti vary ful ov tewtul kutenis!! Bees wif da lukingz! Omg him gotz da bowwagez on himz hed lyk WTF?!?”
Step five: Add additional information. This can be the desire to interact with the subject of the photo, personal information, empathetic or sympathetic statements, responses to other posts, etc. Again, nothing right or wrong here, just whatever comes to mind.
Finally:“OMG wau!! Dat beesings a kiti vary ful ov tewtul kutenis!! Bees wif da lukingz!! Omg him gotz da bowwagez on himz hed lyk WTF?!? OMG I tewtul wuntz to grabz dat kiti and fuzziez himz awl ovar … him sooooooo mooshy an fullz ov win!! Don werry lil kiti, I no eetz u! I luvz kitiz! I can has bunchiz ov dem! Mah kitiz luvz bowwagez too! YETH!! GIMME!! Kthxbai!”
Remember that all of the above steps are basic guidelines for conversational lol-cat. Some regions do not always rearrange syntax. This a treasure for you. With some practice, you too can be writing (and speaking) in Conversational LolKitteh!
plz 2 note: this class is copyright ELFN 2007, all rights reserved, pliz to be kreditz if u be usingz da verbatumz kthxbai.
34 pwned